Sex Jokes and Riddles

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#1
I was walking my Dog and came across my room mate from my college dorm. She was with her boyfriend and just like the old days, she started flaunting her man. She wanted to know if I was dating anyone. When I said, I wasn’t, she was pitying me. Her boyfriend offered me breakfast and the three of us sat at a coffee shop. They were making out the whole time.
“Let’s just go home and Fuck” she whispered into his ear.
“Let’s just go home and Fuck” I whispered into my Dog’s ear.
Considering their facial expression, they would clearly have heard it. *Wink*
#2
A war veteran came back home after a long time but his wife was already pregnant for eight months. Her water suddenly broke at the airport so he didn’t have much time to think about it. After the delivery, the doctor came and told him that she had triplets. To the husband’s surprise, the three babies looked completely different from each other. Infact they were from different race! One was Black, one of them looked like an Asian and the other looked like it was Brown.
The doctor told the husband “I’ve never seen such an unusual case. Your wife delivered them from three different holes. The black one came out from the vagina. The Asian looking one came out from her asshole and she kind of vomited the Brown one.” The man was dumbfounded and asked back “How’s that even possible?” “Don’t you know how babies are made? Babies come out of the hole where you pour in your cum!”
“Ok but why do they look so different. Me and my wife… We’re both blondes but they kind of seems Brown, Asian and Black!”
“Ask that to your wife!”
#3
A white kid asked his white mom
“Mom why do I look so different from you? Why is it that you are a Blonde and I’m Black?”
The mom replied
“Just be thankful that you don’t bark or neigh! Well if you were a foal I wouldn’t be able to give birth to you anyway. Just the penetration itself was an hassle so whatever…”
#4
A female zookeeper learned how to communicate with different species. She eventually fell in love with an adult male elephant while taking care of it. The elephant suggested that they should get married to take their relationship to next level. Listening to his request she expressed her concern about the potential barriers to their sex life.
“Don’t worry about that. I’ve been mateless for a long time. What would change in my life anyway…” he assured her.
So they got married in a church and the bride walked into his cage with him in the evening. The other zookeepers locked the cage and left.
The next morning they found out that after all that the male elephant had said to the woman, he consummated the marriage anyway.
#5
Me and my stepdaughter went on a trip to be away from my nagging wife for a few days.
She asked for some water while hiking but I told her that we ran out of water and tricked her into sucking my cock and drinking my cum.
While returning back to our hotel room, she got her hands on my backpack and found a bottle of water.
The dimwit said “Oh! Here’s a bottle of water! Why didn’t you look for it more carefully? At least I could wash your dick before sucking it!”
#6
I’ve recently found out that semen is great for skin. Although I’m a teen I’m already taking care of my facial skin and boobs so that they don’t get saggy when I grow older.
I can’t ask any boy from my school to cum on my face as they would make fun of me around the school. So I went to the man who I trust the most, my gramps. I knew he would never judge me or make fun of me so I talked to him about it and convinced him to provide it to me regularly.
But the only problem is he’s a farmer who never went to school and due to the lack of education he panics about unnecessary things. Just the last week he shouted in fear
“Careful there! Quick! Wash out your eyes! We don’t want babies coming out of them!’
#7
As a Christian girl, I’m not allowed to fuck any man until I get married. Yet, I’ve a man under me and I’m jumping up and down on his dick at a hotel room. I looked at the clock and shrieked in fear, ” Shit! It’s 9 pm! I have to get back home or my dad’s gonna kill me!”
“Sshshh…baby girl, calm down! Did you forget, I AM YOUR DAD!”
“Oh shit! Right…guess I drank too much.” *Hehehe*
#8
*At a Kindergarten*
Teacher : So Murray, can you tell me, what do you call your Mother’s Brother?
Maury : umm… Dad?
#9
*At a Kindergarten*
Teacher : Everyone, let’s draw pictures of yourselves with your family.
Everyone draws pictures with their parents and siblings.
Maury : *draws himself, his mother and a Dog*
Teacher : Aww…how nice of you to consider your pet part of the family!
Maury : Huh? Pet? But Mum told me to call him Dad…
#10
*Two homies at a park*
“Hey, how is your crazy cousin doing? You know the one who fell in love with the Eiffel Tower?”
“Oh.. She got married to it. Last time I heard about her, she was sitting at the top of it.”
“Ah.. What a sad life. She’s missing all the action. Wait. Isn’t the top floor closed down?”
“No shit man! I’m telling you she’s getting it more than you and me. She was sitting ON TOP OF the Eiffel Tower!”
#11
I fucked a young widow I met on an App, a few days back. Her older husband had died only last week and received all the money he had left. She was too hot for me to pay attention to all that. On the day we had plans at her home, she told me bring Black latex condoms with me and I did.
After the act, I asked her what was the deal with the Black Condom. So she told me, she was still mourning so she needed that.
“But isn’t wearing Black dress enough? Why do you need even the condoms to be Black?”
“Well, my husband died while he was inside my vagina.”
I died inside.
#12
I met a hot Cougar on an App
We met to fuck and when I started fingering her my hand suddenly slipped in up to wrist. She moaned like she was finally starting to feel something. She was pretty loose down there so I started shoving in my hand and started fisting her.
Suddenly, I noticed that I had lost my watch inside her vagina. So I started looking it and didn’t notice that my hand was slipping in further.
After a few minutes I realised that my entire body was inside her vagina! I calmed down and kept walking in deeper and kept looking for my watch. A few moments later, I found two men walking around like they were looking for something.
“Hey man! You lost in here as well?”
“Umm…well, I’m looking for my watch.”
The two men in front of me broke out in laughter.
“Why…What is it?”
One if them replied “Don’t expect to find that watch anymore. We lost our Truck in here, two days back and still searching for the way out.”

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